"You should have thought of that before you tried to fry me." Yogi shook a finger in her face, "You need much discipline, especially if you are to become the wife of Luke" Luke's face turned bright red, first girlfriend, now wife. What was going on? He didn't even like the blooming idiot. He started to protest when he heard her doing the same. So instead he shifted the smelly cabbage to his other hand, wiped his hand on his pants leg, and decided it was safer to be quiet until his body was free. His master had a temper when not obeyed. "Marry him!" she squeaked indignantly, "I'd rather marry a FROG! or a SLUG! Or even worse, a POLITICIAN, but HIM????"
"It is your destiny Lady grasshopper. For anything else to happen would be... to quote a famous man, "Inconceivable!" and so it shall be... The cookie will mend, and the wheel of life turn, and the weavers pull threads out of their hair to make a blanket of life."
Now Blossom was as confused as Luke was. "Wha..." she started, "Oh never mind, you are just insane, that's all there is too it." Luke privately agreed, she continued, "But since I have no choice, I'll at least guide you back to Luke's body. And then I'll go home." With that she hopped up on Yogi's shoulder, and gave him directions and they all three started off towards Luke's body. Luke looked regretfully at the cabbage, and wished he could set it down, for it really was stinking quite horribly. But he sighed, shrugged his shoulders, and followed the other two down the path and away from Yogi's picnic table.
When they had walked an hour Yogi halted. "The day is long and the stars are not yet falling" he announced. Seeing the confused expressions on their faces he sighed and then said, "It is time for a snack, we have journeyed long, and my stomach can wait no longer!" Thus the wise bear pulled the picnic basket back out of his sleeve and began unloading a meal. The first thing he pulled out of the basket was an elephant, "This will make the journey go faster after we eat." he explained as Luke and the Flowery-Grasshopper looked at him quizzically. The next thing he pulled out of his basket was the purple people eater's favorite purple cloak. "How'd this get in there?" Yogi wondered out loud. Luke started to remind the hungry bear that he'd put it in there last Tuesday, when the purple people eater stole his melted carrot-head trophy. But then he remembered he wasn't suppose to say anything unless he didn't want his body out of the glue.
The grasshopper lady glared at Yogi, "You took the Purple people eater's cloak? HE EATS PEOPLE!"
Yogi looked calmly at her and replied, "Only purple people, besides I liked that melted carrot-head trophy."
"Before you get any stranger, can we go and get his goat body out the glue?"
The grasshopper flower asked.
"A cookie crumbled makes a good blizzard," Yogi explained.
Luke shrugged away the vague feeling that it had been ages since Yogi started to pull out that purple cloak--but it had only been a few seconds ago! "Would you like Oreo or cookies-and-cream?" he heard himself ask. "Do you want fries with that?"
Yogi looked startled, then smoothed his face into its customary magnanimity, and tried to look like he knew what Luke was talking about.
"What in the name of the ozone layer is he talking about?" demanded the dryad.
"It is...an ancient Chinese proverb. Very difficult to explain. We will postpone your lessons on that one for another day," he added somewhat hurriedly.
Luke looked dazed and shook his head as if to clear it. "That glue must be getting to my brain," he muttered to himself nervously.
"Luke," Yogi said suddenly, "Go feed the elephant," and thrust a large brown bag at him.
With great concentration, Luke's spirit-hands managed to grasp the bag and carry it to the large gray beast, who, at the moment, was trying to eat a near-by tree. The great creature responded kindly to Luke's offer of food. It shoved the contents of the bag down its throat, then ate the bag before he could protest (Luke, not the bag). Luke shrugged his shoulders thinly, unable to summon the energy to care.
"What's wrong with him?" he heard Flower-Ears ask, as he flopped down on the ground to take a rest. "He looks all pale and--flickery."
"Oh," exclaimed Yogi with some consternation. "He has been away from his body too long. Go with him, little cricket; take him quickly to his body. I will follow on the elephant, but come back and guide me the rest of the way."
"What--so now I'm a cricket?" the dryad muttered to herself, as she headed over to Luke's side. Glancing down at herself reflexively, she saw, to her surprise, that she was indeed a cricket! In calling her "cricket," Yogi had unthinkingly turned her into one!
With patience--and a fair amount of shouting on the dryad's part--they got Luke to his feet. This was very difficult, since they had to concentrate to touch him, and his flickering made it hard for any grip to last. Plus, he was too unreasonable to argue with--not that Flower-Ears could resist trying.
They set off, the dryad guiding and cajoling Luke's wandering spirit to follow, and using concentrated bursts of psikinetic energy to give him a shove in the right direction when he wouldn't listen. Rather like herding a sheep, she thought, without the psi-energy. Unless, of course, she reflected, they were sheep having an out-of-body experience.
Things got a little easier for Flower-Ears when the Voice woke up. Since Luke was desperate to shut it up, and tree butting was the only thing that had worked so far, the sooner he made it back to his body, the sooner he could shut up the voice. Before long, the cricket shaped Flower-Brain was having a hard time keeping up.
"You’ll never make it you know." The Voice commented conversationally to Luke.
"I will too! just shut up!" Luke yelled in passing a sleeping duck. Blossom and the duck exchanged worried glances. Blossom shrugged her shoulders, and the duck decided if she was going to be yelled at, she should be yelled at for doing something. So the duck began dive bombing Luke’s head as he continued charging through the forest towards his body.
The voice let out an evil laugh, "MUAHA HA HA HA!!!! You’ll dissolve into nothing before you make it to your body! All that will be left of you is that rotten cabbage you’re carrying! HA! HA HA HA ha ha ha!!!"
"Oh yeah Mr. Voice? And what happens to you then? Huh? Huh? If I don’t make it back to my body…neither do you! What do you think of that!" Luke triumphantly shouted in the duck’s ear as it flew past once more. This startled the duck so much that she misjudged the distance on pulling up from her dive, and smacked into a tree.
Catching up with the stunned duck, Blossom squeaked, "I’ll help you get even with that lunatic, if you’ll give me a ride following him, these little legs just don’t hop fast enough." The duck agreed, and so the flowery cricket hopped on the duck’s back, and they both followed the trail Luke’s astral body was taking. Blossom explained to the duck, "You see, his body got turned into a goat, and so his master, Yogi the Bear, said he needed to get back into his body. But I think the strain’s been a little too much for his mind. He was raving about joining the mob earlier, and now he’s talking to himself and yelling at trees and rocks." The cricket rolled its eyes. "And if he doesn’t get back to his body on time, I’m sure Yogi will hold me responsible, and all I want is to get home, in my normal shape-shifting body. Also, once he’s back in his real body, it will be a lot easier for you to hit him, since it won’t flicker in and out of existence!" She finished triumphantly. The Duck nodded wisely, and started to descend as they neared the clearing in which Luke had headed. Luke’s astral body had gotten to the edge of the glue puddle, in which his goat body was stuck, and was now running circles around it shouting.
"NO! I won’t do it! Ha! And then you’ll die! I won’t die, but you will!….What do you mean! No, you’re lying!! Besides, then my astral self will get stuck in the glue too!"
Blossom and the duck exchanged worried glances, then Blossom hopped down and over to Luke. "LUKE!" she squeaked indignantly, "You won’t get stuck, you can fly remember! and if you don’t get in there NOW then Yogi will make you carry that cabbage forever, but in a goat body, you won’t have hands to carry it!" Luke paused uncertainly… as if listening to someone far away, then the glazed look left his eyes and he focused on the cricket.
"I’ll, I’ll die?" He asked uncertainly. "But, if I go in, then the Voice will live…." He whined plaintively.
"Luke! get in there now! Yogi can deal with the voice later, whatever that is. Just put down the cabbage where you are, and go jump into your body!" She commanded.
"Better do it squirt, or it’s not just me that’ll be road kill!" the voice grumbled. It had changed it’s tune as soon as it realized that it needed Luke’s body too, and had been urging Luke to hurry and get there quickly.
Luke gratefully set the smelly cabbage down, wiped his hands off once more, and trudged with shoulders downcast towards his body. He sat down on the goat body’s back, and sank slowly into it.
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